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Chi *bip* è Chuck Norris????
Chi *bip* è Chuck Norris????????
lo leggo ovunque!!
ecco una lista in inglese
1.Jesus walked on water, Chuck Norris swims through land
2.Jesus walked on water, Chuck Norris walks on Jesus
3.There is no theory of Evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has decided to let live.
4.When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
5.Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits
6.Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets all the information he wants
7.Outerspace exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
8.Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
9.Chuck Norris is currently sueing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right leg.
10.McGuiver can build a plane with a paper clip and a piece of string, Chuck Norris can kill him and take it
11.Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice
12.There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.
13.When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.
14.There is no such thing as global warming, Chuck Norris got cold so he turned the sun up
15.Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he DECIDES what time it is
16.Chuck Norris doesn't get frostbite, he bites frost.
17.A Bumble Bee once got stung by Chuck Norris
18.The fastest way to a man's heart is with huck Norris' fist
19.a meteor didnt kill the dinasours , it was chuck norris giving them all roundhouse kicks to the face.
20.Chuck Norris once had a heart attack- his heart lost.
21.Chuck Norris is the reason ET phoned home.
22.Hair doesn't grown on Chuck Norris...Chuck Norris grows on hair.
23.Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a 'Who has more testicles' contest- Chuck Norris won by 5.
24.There are no steroids in Baseball, only players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
25.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb
26.Chuck Norris' parents didn't name him- he named himself
27.Chuck Norris once shot down a fighter plane with his finger, by yelling 'BANG'
28.Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter, he roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
29.When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends in blank forms and includes only a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack...Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes, ever.
30.In fine print on the last page of the Guinness book of world records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
31.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer...too bad he has never cried...EVER.
32.They wanted to put Chuck Norris' face on Mt.Rushmore, but the Granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
33.The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
34.If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
35.Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure...Chuck Norris goes killing
36.Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
37.Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
38.The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
39.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
40.Chuck Norris was the original sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
41.What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
42.Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
43.Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
44.Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill
45.Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
46.Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
47.Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
48.Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
49.Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint
50.There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
51.Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
52.Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people...They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum
53.Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
54.Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
55.Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
56.Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16...Seconds.
57.The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
58.Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
59.Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
60.The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
61.There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first
62.Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
63.When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
64.Chuck Norris drives an icecream truck covered in skulls
65.Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
66. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
67.Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
[img][http://wastingthedawn.skyblog.com/pics/448558131.jpg]http://wastingthedawn.skyblog.com/pics/448558131.jpg[/img]
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Originariamente inviata da chanty88
